Life is like...

Life is kind of like editing a photo:

- focus on the parts you want to keep
- discard what doesn't beautify your overall picture
- crop with care
- take a little time to clean-up the rough edges

Who's Steering This Ship?

So, I haven't posted in a while. (Errmm... depending on your point of view, that could be a good thing or a bad thing.) It's mainly been about life steering me, rather than me steering it. You know, when life just keeps you busy and you feel like that lyric in John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy":

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans..."

I hate that feeling of being steered, rather than me doing the steering. (Umm...control freak?) 
I suspect that it's a feeling at least some others also share. It's part of the nature of living in this "modern" world, having a family, making ends meet, and choosing to homeschool. It's also part of living in a nation being "led" by people with little to no moral fiber. Zilch in the heart department. I literally had about 20 minutes last night where I could not stop my racing mind from scrolling through all that's going on and all that I have to do. We all have so much going on, so much that we care about, and--if you're at all like us--so much that we're worried about on a daily basis, and have been for the last 9+ months. It's an ever-increasing sinking feeling and persistent worry of what kind of world are our children going to have to survive in? Ugh. I've had to take a facebook hiatus because I...I just can't process all the daily unnerving news stories, the endless debates between Trumpers and, you know, rational people; and those folks who insist on posting every single random thought they have about everything from their nightly dinner plate to their annoyance at "political posts". 
I just can't be out there on the face-space right now and be a fairly happy person. 

Instead, I'm choosing to focus (mainly) on stuff that does help me feel happy: my wonderful family, Halloween, the chilly air that's finally arrived to our area, making "mummy dogs" with our kids, snuggling and watching the Halloween Baking Championship, making my hubby's favorite chili, having family over for a football game and chili and game-playing. 
Focus on the good. 

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Our love of country and national identity must extend deeper than the symbols of the flag and anthem, than the politics of left and right, or "what church do you attend?" or socio-economic status. Our national heart and soul and all that we treasure most as Americans must genuinely be about freedom and equality for all who reside in our borders. We must be truly accepting of our beautiful diversity of cultures, lifestyles, and perspectives--especially when we disagree. We must be about caring and helping our fellow humans, regardless of how they arrived at their circumstances. Any less renders songs and flags and platitudes rather hollow.

Here's the thing: the U.S. Constitution (under the 1st Amendment of the Bill of Rights) guarantees each of us the right to decide if we stand or kneel. It does not give us the right to dictate to others whether they "must" or "should" stand or kneel. If we don't recognize that, if we don't protect that right for all perspectives--especially the ones with which we disagree--then our nation has much bigger problems than how people treat a song or a piece of fabric. Those items are lovely things, but they are symbols of the true beauty of America--the freedom and equality that are supposed to be afforded to everyone, no matter their gender, skin color, religion, politics, gender-identification, socio-economic status, ethnic origins, sexual-orientation, or geographic location. And sadly, in 2017, not everyone has complete freedom and equality--this is what the players are very successfully bringing attention to; and the fact that they have us all talking about it proves that their protest is meaningful. It's up to all of us to carry the ball from there. 

The protests have again brought to the forefront the fact that not everyone here is truly free...not when certain skin colors are systemically profiled, punished more harshly, and generally persecuted. Not when some genders, identities, and lifestyles are treated as second class. This bigotry is ingrained in our society. We must decide to care more about liberty for all people than what boxes people fit into. It's a tough, ugly national conversation, but it is one we must keep having and working through until we are truly the "land of the free".

Live & Let Live

In my profile, I share that I am a "believer in Love, Family, Nature, Equality, Peace, Kindness, Diversity, and Lifelong Learning". That list is the gist of what I feel in my heart is universally true and right in this experience we call life. No doubt there are those who'd read my profile and think there's something missing from her list of what she believes in or I'm sure her belief in God or Jesus is meant to be assumed. Meh. Not so much. I am genuinely happy for those who find joy, strength, comfort, peace, and whatever else they need through believing in a god or Jesus or in attending a church. Truly. I'm happy for anyone who genuinely experiences all of those. The truth is that worshiping a god or Jesus or attending a church does absolutely none of that for me.

"Oh, you must have had a bad experience at a church..." has been uttered more than once by well-meaning folks who just don't want to accept that I don't believe as they do. No, my disassociation with religion (organized or otherwise) is not merely about having a "bad experience" at a church. I grew up going to church on occasion--those experiences provided nothing more than lessons in how to taking mental vacations and other means of quietly entertaining myself for around an hour.
I've read the Bible--that overly wordy, poorly written, edited and reedited repeatedly over history, grossly contradictory of itself, largely misogynistic book; and it provided me no golden light of belief. No Ah ha! moments. Nada.
I attended nearly a decade of Catechism classes--truth be told though, I was the kid who was regularly getting into trouble in class because--brace yourself--I asked questions. Lots of questions. And when I didn't agree with the answers, I'd press for more meaningful answers. And when there were no meaningful answers (which was usually the case), I'd expect to have the line of reasoning behind those answers explained. And it turns out that those folks were not into providing such reasonings. "Just believe it because you're supposed to!" Ugh. I'm not so good just following something or someone because you're supposed to. It was about a decade ago when I finally admitted to myself that this whole religion & god thing wasn't doing it for me. Since that moment 10 years ago, I've regularly given great thought to what does bring me joy, strength, comfort, and peace... ... ...Ta da! Hence the list in my profile.

What perplexes me about those who want to explain someone like me away with "Oh, you must have had a bad experience at a church..." is that anyone who has talked with me on the subject at any length has certainly heard my reasoning for no longer believing in all that jazz. It's about so much more than having had a bad experience.... it's about religion and dogma and all their trappings making zero sense to my questioning mind. It's about no longer being able to subscribe to a belief system that actively discriminates to varying degrees, depending upon the denomination. It's finding it ludicrous to look up to some magical dude who supposedly has some grand plan that we humans are too moronic to understand. And when those "plans" by this supposedly all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving being involve violence, illness, suffering, and (depending upon the denomination) vengeance... well, hell no. I want no part of any such plan, thanks. I happen to think that we humans are more capable and more connected to each other than religion would have us believe. My rejection of church and religion and all its trappings is about realizing that we humans are so much more alike than different, and we need to look to each other for comfort, help, joy, strength. Instead of looking up for someone to solve our problems, let's look to each other. In looking to each other, we can find a little common ground. We can learn to live and let live.

Love > Fear

So, there is a video circulating on facebook (for the second time now) of a supposed U.S. Marine stationed in the Middle East. He speaks in favor of Trump's Muslim ban, based on what he purports to have experienced. What troubles me about this video is that he is painting all Muslims and Middle Easterners with the same brush, based on interactions he claims to have had with those who live in the country where he is stationed. Yep, he proclaims that we should ban all Muslims/Middle Easterners because of one or two conversations he's had with some men in the nearby village. This is unfortunate. 

Would it be fair to view all Christians through the lens of the Crusades or the Inquisition or the Witch Hunts or the Catholic Church protecting pedophiles or the Christian white supremacists in the U.S. who've committed violence via stabbings, bombings, and mass shootings? No. I am quite confident that Christians would be immensely offended and cry foul and scream about yet more oppression against them if they were all painted with the same brush as those who committed abhorrent acts in the name of "Christianity".

I do not and will not subscribe to painting everyone with the same brush based on the actions of a few. Such thinking is solely based on fear. We humans are better than that.

As My Sister Would Say, "We Are One"

I recently read an article about predictions that the economic effects of climate change will be devastatingly severe here in the south. (The article is here: http://theatln.tc/2sm3HHp ) As I read comments to the article, I was utterly shocked at the vitriol displayed by people as they declared that it would be "karma" and that the people of the south "deserve" whatever climate change-related suffering occurs--financial or otherwise--because "they voted for climate change" (aka they voted for Trump).
Now, clearly, I strongly dislike Trump. I loathe his world view, his thoughts, and his actions. I remain disappointed and disheartened by the widespread embracing of his lowest common denominator-type policies and/or behavior. However, the comments about "karma" and people "deserving" what happens are equally disappointing and disheartening. I may vehemently disagree with Trump supporters and what they stand for, but I don't wish them ill. 

Shortly after reading that, I made the mistake of viewing the latest NRA recruitment video. (I refuse to share the link because it is truly, utterly despicable.) It's total propagating of the dangerous "Us vs Them" mentality. It's dripping in talk about how us "liberals" are using education and the media for diabolical purposes that require the non-liberals to all own guns. My head is spinning. As usual, the NRA is fanning the flames and further pitting Americans against each other. And people buy into this manipulative, utterly divisive bullshit...?

Where is our compassion?
Where is our humanity?

We are all human beings. We are all in this together. We. Are. One.

Is This What Your Jesus Would Do?

This Senate & House Republican healthcare "overhaul" bills. This monstrous proposals that will cost millions their healthcare and millions more the level of healthcare that helps prevent catastrophe. This greedy bill that would constitute one of the largest transfers of wealth in recent memory. And that wealth wouldn't be coming towards you and I, as our healthcare costs go up (as if they're not high enough already) and protections for out-of-pocket caps and pre-existing conditions go right out the window.  Nope. That transfer of wealth will go right into the already-heavy pockets of Congress and their wealthy, corporate cronies. You know, the folks that need the least amount of financial help on the planet. (Although they are in dire need of help in the compassion department.)

The Republican Party--as it is now represented in Congress--can no longer be allowed to call themselves the party of "family values". Really? Someone who values family wouldn't gut the healthcare options of those who are less fortunate than themselves. And I certainly no longer accept this idea that they are the party of "Christian values". Seriously, Christian people-- is that what your Jesus would do? Jesus would basically send a big "f--k you" to those in poverty, the working poor, and the middle class?  These are people who literally live paycheck to paycheck. And for many, those paychecks they work so hard for don't cover expenses. They have little to no savings or cushion. No safety net. In another life, I went to many years of Catechism classes and in none of what I heard or read or debated in those classes was there any reference to The Big J hoisting a middle finger to the masses.

No Republicans. Don't preach to me about "Christian values" or "family values". To follow the banner carried by Trump and McConnell and Ryan and the rest of them is to embrace an attitude of "Mine! Mine!" It's to forgo genuinely caring about and acting in the best interest of all families. It flies in the face of what Jesus purportedly taught. It's embracing the worship of the Almighty Dollar.

No, your sandal clad, tunic-wearing, poor carpenter from Nazareth would not hold with these values.

Resentment Is Like Drinking Poison...

This is a brilliant analogy. For supposedly being the most evolved and self-aware creatures on the planet, we humans can be fragile, ego-driven beings who work so hard at trying to fool people around us...maybe we even think we can fool ourselves. (We can't.) But holding on to resentment never, ever ends well.

Sure, we all temporarily harbor a little resentment or anger from time to time. (Hey, we're human!) But to make an occupation of it--that takes enormous compartmentalizing, the memory of an elephant, and a serious lack of hobbies. Worst of all, it damages relationships; and, ultimately, it erodes the spirit of the grudge-holder, in the way a choppy surf erodes a shoreline.

I was recently visited by the resentment of someone in my life. It reared it's ugly head in a gift shop, of all places. One passing question from the clerk solicited a rare, honest comment from this person. From that instant, this person couldn't recover from the fact that they had actually made a genuine statement about their resentment towards me. So, very unfortunately, the remainder of our day together was peppered with this person alternately trying to smooth-over their original comment and, yet, also (once again) air their almost two-decades-old grievance.

I have empathy for the fact that deep down inside their heart, this resentment comes from hurt. I don't wish for anyone to be hurting. At the same time, geez--way past time to unpack that toxic baggage! This person's inability to see past this one event has always hindered our relationship. One choice decided my place in this person's mind and heart--that has not and will not ever change. I know this because I've tried. And tried. And tried. It took me a good 10 years to realize that nothing I ever subsequently did or said would ever make up for my supposed misstep of 17 years ago. I finally gave up futilely trying to convince this person to put down the poison bottle. I "let it go" (to quote another strong female character) because I won't allow my spirit to be poisoned by another's darkness. Do not ever allow someone's negativity to erode your spirit! 

I am sad for this person because they'll keep drinking from that ol' poison bottle, hoping that I'll be the one who's damaged. And in their pain and resentment they have and will continue to miss out on many potentially beautiful moments.

Let It Be

I started this post back in November, as I was lamenting about how lax I have been in posting on this blog. Hello, February.

My hiatus was definitely not for a lack of thinking about life and stuff. Alas, house hunting, packing, closing on a house (which was a nightmare and almost didn't happen), moving into said house, unpacking, looking for part-time writing work, fall revelry, Halloweeny activities, election trauma, Thanksgiving preparations, packing all the fall revelry away, working part-time, decorating for the December holidays, celebrating the various December holidays, losing our beloved Granny, traveling for a memorial service, inauguration trauma, and then traveling to visit more family have all kept me off the ol' blog (in addition to the usual household, homeschooling, family, mom, and wife stuff). So, as far as this blog, I had to just let it be for a while. It's been a whirlwind. More and more, life is a whirlwind. But I now return to typing my humble thoughts on the keyboard to share. You know, with all two of you who read this blog.

From BridgieBean, With Love...

This post has been percolating in my mind for a while now. After reading about the tragedies of this past weekend in New Jersey, New York, and Minnesota, and the danger of a collapsed ceasefire in Syria, today seemed like a good day to post it. Sending love, strength, and peace to those places and people, and to anywhere and anyone else in the world that needs it...

Times like these that we've recently experienced are scary. It seems like not a day goes by without hearing of a new incident of violence in some corner of our world. Some days, that corner of the world is right in our own neighborhood, so to speak. And almost every time, the initial shock and devastation gives way to waves of antagonistic bluster and finger-pointing. Guns, religion, skin color, politics, nationality, gender, economics, privilege, racism--all are batted about in a grotesque ping-pong game of endless blame and recrimination. Except in this game, there are no winners, only an increasingly divided society, where fear, misunderstanding, and hate are perpetuated. Differences are accentuated and divides are widened. It occurs to me that for a nation that claims to pride itself on celebrating diversity, individuality, and chutzpah, our society more often fears and loathes those qualities and anyone who exemplifies them...anyone who represents something different than some homogenized vision we have of ourselves. We have to moved past this mentality that is neither kind nor constructive.

During these trying times, some people have the audacity to talk about peace and love. (I like to think that I fall into this group.) 
Give peace a chance. 
          Love is all we need. 
                    We are One. We are Love.
Seems harmless enough, right? Though, somehow, even peace-mongers and love-enthusiasts come under attack in the blame game, with accusation hurled at them like You're living in a fairy tale land if you think that matters! or Peace and love are not how the real world works! These are actual statements people have made to me when I've spoken or written about peace and love being the answer to what ails humanity. It saddens me that there are folks who are so accepting of and drowning in negativity that they no longer see that love does conquer all, if we let it. But in that disappointment, there is still hope that our overall societal approach to problem solving can change for the better.

I was once someone more prone to bluster. I grew up exposed to the Rambo-esque action movies of the 80's and 90's where the "heroes" used tough talk--and often brute shows of force--to argue their points and save the day. Real life rarely resembles the movies. Such "cowboy diplomacy" does not save the day. If anything, it makes hostilities more intense and widens the rift between those with opposing view points. Such rifts are so difficult to mend. I've seen this both in my own life and in watching the events of our world. While I hope that I have and continue to learn to approach problems in my life with a gentler touch, I don't see the world at large learning that lesson. Violence keeps happening. Perpetrators do so expecting to affect some major paradigm shift--but it isn't working. Leaders' responses (usually involving "thoughts and prayers") are always the same, but the violence that plagues us goes unchanged. Perhaps worsening. What's that adage about doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result?

There was this great scene in the most recent season of Doctor Who where the title character talked about exactly this. He pleaded that the two sides in their predicament sit and genuinely listen to each other. Imagine if we humans found a way to truly do that... I think we'd see that we have similar hopes, fears, joys, struggles, and dreams. I think we'd learn about each other and begin to understand that we're so similar. Realizing that would make that cowboy diplomacy, that us-against-them mentality virtually obsolete. If we'd all wake-up from the meaningless drivel that divides us, we'd realize that we can decide how the world works. We are all us. We are all them. We are ONE. And we'd find that we want nothing for ourselves but peace and love. 

☮ ღ ☺

Flag Flying...

My hubby and I recently started watching Sports Night on Hulu. (Love Hulu!) I’d caught part of the series during its original run back in the late 90’s and thought it was great. And seriously underrated. It was cancelled after just two seasons. Starting from the series’ beginning, I’m seeing episodes I missed the first time. The one we watched tonight was the best one yet. Titled Six Southern Gentlemen, the episode chronicles (among others storylines) a fictionalized college football star at a southern university who stands up to his school’s displaying of the Confederate flag by refusing to play until they remove it. Viewers learn as the story proceeds that his team and his school are going to cut him loose, potentially derailing his dreams of earning a degree, which his full football scholarship was funding. Besides this obvious drama, friction is caused when managing editor Isaac Jaffe—masterfully portrayed by the great Robert Guillaume—is battling an internal struggle to either ignore the situation in deference to his southern-gentleman-boss or make an on-air editorial in support of the young man, possibly risking his job. It’s a beautifully written and acted episode. What hit me most was his actual editorial (which I suppose it was designed to do), especially this part where he takes on the often referenced “tradition” and “heritage” of the flag itself: 

“In the history of the South, there's much to celebrate. And that flag is a desecration of all of it. It's a banner of hatred and separatism. It's a banner of ignorance and violence and a war that pitted brother against brother, and to ask young black men and women, young Jewish men and women, Asians, Native Americans, to ask Americans to walk beneath its shadow is a humiliation of irreducible proportions. And we all know it.”

If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know I was raised in Florida. While Florida is the adopted home state of many transplants from a variety of places and often doesn’t closely resemble the other southern states, there remains an element of “southern pride” there. And the South does, indeed, offer a lot for which to be proud: a fine and varied musical tradition that includes bluegrass, jazz, rock n' roll, and the blues; lovely architecture that often invites the outdoors in; biscuits and gravy (oh yes, I said it!); and an amazing literary ancestry, including such greats as Mark Twain, Harper Lee, William Faulkner, Zora Neal Hurston, Edgar Allan Poe, Alice Walker, and Tennessee Williams (to name a few). A short list from the top of my head that is certainly incomplete. But none of this culture and beauty that the South has to offer has anything to do with stars and bars on a red background.

I remember seeing my share of Confederate flags growing up. As a child, I didn’t possess the depth or historical knowledge to fully grasp the flag and the scope of its meaning. I even remember, at one point, having a “Dixie” pin. I cannot fathom where I got that, but I knew the design meant something about being a rebel--which, honestly, I associated with Star Wars, rather than with a life-and-death insurrection over slavery. In junior high and high school, I learned much more American history, and that pin was promptly trashed once I learned of all that design encompasses. I have read and heard many people defend the Confederate flag as “heritage, not hate”. I have seen—as I did earlier today—people flying that flag in their front yards or driving around town with it affixed the backs of their cars and trucks. These folks remain unmoved in defending their “heritage”; an antiquated identity which is apparently wrapped up in a flag from a “nation” that went belly-up 151 years ago. (Please join us in the 21st century.) It’s insane to me that this debate about displaying that flag still exists. That quote above, from a short-lived television show, perfectly cuts through all the nonsensical justifications for displaying that flag by cutting to the heart of it: the Confederate flag represents a heritage of hate. 

Why keep displaying a symbol of hatred that is a mortifying representation of our nation at its worst, and is rightfully offensive to so many of our citizens? Especially when we could choose to focus on the many positive things, the many similarities that we Americans share. How about we foster a heritage of peace, respect, and love? I'd fly that flag on the back of my vehicle any day.

My Bucket List...

This summer has been one of some changes for my family, with more changes on the horizon. This got me thinking about things I hope to do with the life I have left. Sort of like in the movie "The Bucket List".... but hopefully with more time allotted to me than those guys had. *fingers crossed*
My list, in no particular order (save that first one)--to be amended as needed...

-raise our kids to be the truest, kindest, most confident, most well-rounded, most outside-the-box-thinking, most grounded, happiest versions of themselves
-learn to grow our own fruit and veggies
-become fluent in at least one other language
-participate in a "Thriller" flashmob
-live a consistently healthier lifestyle
-write a children's book
-have love and peace be so much a part of me that my thoughts, words, and actions genuinely and consistently come from that core
-learn to knit and sew
-go parasailing

-learn to be virtually impervious to negativity
-become a philanthropist
-visit Paris

Admittedly, there's nothing particularly mind-blowing there. But it represents what I hope to do in my little corner of the universe.